Abstract

I am a 56-year-old Trans woman, lesbian, queer. I didn’t understand this growing up, but I can sure remember when first I knew I was different. I was five. I remember the exact moment. It was a sunny September day. I was in kindergarten; the kids were playing by a big tree. The teacher began to divide us up into two groups, one for boys, one for girls. I don't remember why. As the kids began lining up, I was stricken with apprehension. I realized that I was expected to go without question or hesitation to the group of boys. I had done so before unthinkingly, obediently, dutifully, but THIS time, I realized, was different: WHY was I being put in the wrong group? I was the last one to line up. The discomfort and anxiety remained for years. I know now that I was experiencing gender dysphoria. I didn't have the language, the words; I had never seen or heard or read anything about it. Nobody "groomed" me. My family never spoke of anything remotely related. Ignorance and silence did not protect me from ANYTHING. I couldn't tell my parents. I was too ashamed and afraid. I lived in fear. I panicked at puberty as my body began to change. I had no one to talk to. I first considered suicide at six. As a young Catholic I knew just thinking about suicide was a mortal sin and I could burn in eternal hell. I was nine when I first planned my suicide; I was thirteen when attempted it. I can’t begin to recall all the sleepless nights, the bullying, called a sissy then a “fag” when kids learned that word. My inability to properly express assigned gender was noticed and punished. I was bullied continuously for years. I remember laying in the playground dust, fourth grade, encircled, kicked, tasting dirt, my own blood, my tears. It was a "game" called "Smear the Queer" or "Tag the Fag.” I hated school. It made me want to die. No child should have to experience what I did. Trans children are children. They have rights. We cannot pretend these children away; they are being bullied, and persecuted. They need our protection. But we cannot protect what we cannot see. See them. They are real. They exist. They need our support

Keywords: Trans, Youth, Bostock, Dobbs